10 weeks!!!!!!!!

I let a week go between blogs and I feel bad. There wasn't too much to write. I was sick this week and planning Bella's 3rd birthday party. We also had a wedding thrown in there.

Buffy is good. She said she is feeling good, a little nausea though. She isn't quite showing yet! Our next appt. is 12 weeks. I decided to take Bella with me. She asks where the baby is all the time and I explain it's in Buffy's belly (try to say that fast!). So I figured Bella could come and see for herself. I would bring Mike too but he starts school this week! He always liked coming to my OB appts. when I was pregnant with Bella, so I think she will like it.

In my little e-newsletter, it says the baby is the size of a kiwi fruit! awwww so cute. Now all the systems are forming. So amazing how all that works. At the wedding we went to this weekend, there were several people who got our announcement and were so happy and excited for us. I am so grateful for the overwhelming amount of support we have received from family and friends. I couldn't ask for better.

On the emotional side, it's almost my 3 year anniversary of my hysterectomy Each year it hits me differently. I am always a sad, however it does get better each year. I usually have a good, long cry in the shower that day (a mini pity party for myself). Some "why me?" moments pop up as i relive my worst day. Each year I seem to get new information too. Because I wasn't aware of all of it, usually either my mom or Luke will say something that wasn't said before. I remember what they each went through and how are it would be to watch that happen to your child. i couldn't do it. I am not sure how she did. Also how awful it would be to nearly lose Luke. He doesns't talk much about it, but I know it was the worst day of his life too. I have guilt about that for both of them. Not that it was "my fault" but it was. I do take time on that day to remember the positives. My first being Bella was absolutely unaffected by it all. I remember thanking god that she was fine. Dr. Ahuja (my ob/gyn) said he couldn't believe I carried the pregnancy as long as I did. It was scary to know my body could have failed her. I would have gladly taken anything as long as she was ok. This year I have a new reason and that is Buffy and the new baby. Once we have the baby I don't think I will associate my hysterectomy so much with not being able to have more kids. It will always be a devestating event in my life, I will have beat it somehow. Buffy is the reason that is all possible.