We had a bit of an unusual thanksgiving this year. Luke was working so I made my first full dinner and the kids helped. They were great. It was wonderful. Then we hit the inlaws and then my families. The kids had a lot of fun and were really well behaved.
On my PPH support group, there is a lady who has summed up my feelings about life so perfectly. Here is what she said:
I began to look forward to every little thing, every tiny moment of the day. I am always a person who lives in the moment, but when you see an end coming soon to those moments, you do appreciate them a little more. So why make a big deal over being happy every blessed second? Because no one knows how many seconds they will have left and I don't want to waste a single one being miserable.
And how does this relate to my pph? After my pph, I was really miserable and angry and resentful and bitter. But from that experience I learned that I cannot change what happens to me, the only thing I can change is how I let my circumstances affect me. I had a choice, I could either live in the sadness or accept it and concentrate on the happiness in my life. It was the most important life lesson I've ever learned.I don't want to be that sad, miserable, hateful "victim" who lives in self-pity. I want to be myself again. And I am not my pph, or any of my ordeals. I am who I choose to be, and I chose a long time ago to be happy. But I do realize that some people don't choose to be happy. Someone I know, for example, doesn't see the importance of being happy. I could say that's sad, but it's her choice and she's content with that. Who am I to judge?
I think this lesson can hold true for anyone with an "ordeal". You just have to decide what kind of person you want to be - victim or survivor.
This sums up my attitude toward my life perfectly. I say it alot but because I know it's true, I am so unbelievably blessed: by my husband, kids, new baby, family and Buffy.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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