me, only better :)

It is still really hard for me to believe this is my life and this is really happening. Each morning when I wake up, I know I am truly blessed. I read my earlier posts and how frustrated I was at each delay and how I felt like this would never happen and here it is.

On my hysterectomy support group we have had some new members recently and it always brings me back to my hysterectomy. It hurts my heart to hear their pain because it's so raw and so fresh. I am reminded that is how I was. A shattered broken soul reaching out for someone, anyone to realize how much pain I was in. To understand what a huge deal this was for me. To show me, I could get through it. When I first went to the group, I was drawn to the ladies that pursued surrogacy. To me they had what I wanted, a successful surrogacy journey and healthy baby(ies). Looking back on my own recovery and I use that term because it was and really still is. I am finding out who I am now, different from who I was then.

i wake up these days lighter, like my burden and sorrow are lifted. Mike and Bella are so excited too. Bella is thrilled to be the big sister. We have been reading "The Berenstein Bears and the new baby". She loves it. We also have "Little Critter and his new sister". She is convinced she is getting a sister, so we will see.LOL Mike is hoping for that elusive brother. I love that with Buffy I can give them a sibling. The inferior-ness I felt is gone. It is replaced by the happiness i have. When announcing we are indeed expecting!!!!!, it is truly a dream come true. When telling my ob/gyn who was the one that saved my life, he was tearful right along with me, as he knew how badly I wanted/needed this. Another great joy is watching Luke tell people, how excited he is. i don't think he realized until we were expecting how much this meant to him. I mean, he truly wanted another baby and wanted to do surrogacy, but when he talks of the baby, I just fall in love all over again. I think my infertility was an underlying stress in our relationship. Now that that isn't an issue, our relationship flows more the way it used to. Instead of researching surrogacy laws, surrogacy boards and searching for our surrogate, I am happily planning for our new baby and searching baby name sites, baby strollers, and chatting with our Baby Mama. Everytime I open my inbox and there is an email from her, i smile. One of the best things of surrogacy which I don't think a lot of people realize is that finally there is another woman who cares about your baby as much as you do. Of course the fathers are important, but with another woman you can go on and on for hours about betas, pregnancy tests, and cravings. I am really enjoying this part.