Thank you's and stuff

At our Baby Celebration, I had some thank you's and thought I should put them here.

Buffy -- She is the perfect surrogate. She goes above and beyond to include me in our pregnancy and takes such good care of Baby Ava. When I dreamed of what my surrogacy journey would be like, she is it only better. I want to thank her for giving me such an amazing pregnancy and wonderful surrogacy journey. I am so glad we are in this together.

my Mom and my Mother in law - they both have been very supportive and helpful. Luke's mom took care of my kids while I had my surgery and it was wonderful to not have to worry about them while I had surgery. My mom sat with Luke at the hospital the whole time.
--My mom always seem to know what i need. At the hospital after I got moved from ICU to the maternity ward and Bella got to come back, my mom was awesome. She slept over that night in a horrible car/bed thing. (Luke went home to take care of mike) It was so wonderful because she made a horrible situation better by making it normal. She got me all the things I needed and helped me take care of my baby. She is such an amazing mother and i can't thank her enough for all the things she has done for me. This memory sticks out in my mind because she just knew all the things I needed and did them without me asking.

Luke -- (he hates when I gush so if he's reading, he better stop) I love him so much for all he does for us. He is a great father and wonderful husband. He has supported in everything I have done or wanted to do. We both wanted another baby, but he knew how much I needed this.

onto the "Stuff"
in my PPH support group someone posed the question "Did you feel numb after your PPH"?
this is hard for me to answer. I suppose I did. I was someone though who wanted to be better and feel better and that first year I faked it alot. I truly didn't feel physically myself until after Bella was 1, but most people didn't know it. I didn't want to complain. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Emotionally I guess I was numb too, to an extent. My PPH or my memories of it are with me daily. I get dressed each day and see my scars, and remember. I wasn't numb for long though. The difference between most of my PPH ladies and myself is I had already been through infertility. I knew how horrible it was. I was ready to just get a move on and add to my family. Once I joined my support group, I asked questions like "who had done surrogacy". I just wanted information. I think I probably dealt with my PPH a little better because I had already been dealt a shitty hand in the fertility department.

I implore to all my PPH sisters, if you want to have another baby by surrogacy, DO So!!! it's an amazing. incredibling healing and I feel more at peace with what happened to me. I don't dwell on it too much. I know when Baby Ava gets here it will be even better.

Baby Ava -- mommy loves you so much and can't wait for you to be here. You are truly a miracle and I hope you realize how many people love you and can't wait for you to be born.