Hope

So Christmas is always very special for me. I love this time of year. In 2004 on Dec, 22 we found out we were pregnant with Isabella after 3+ years of trying and many fertility treatments. I remember call the clinic a bunch of times, first they were at lunch, then in a conference, and finally the nurse came on. I was in the KFC parking lot, because I thought if it was bad news I shouldn't be driving. The nurse was like Mrs. Scarano? and I said yes (but very shaky and scared) and she said Congrats, you are pregnant!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!! I was crying, she was crying. I wanted to do something fun for luke so I headed to the balloon store and got a balloon bouquet with "it's a boy" and "it's a girl" balloons. I was still shaking and crying. The lady behind me, asked the occasion and I started telling her how we tried for so long and how much we wanted this baby. She hugged me and cried too! I took the balloons to Luke's work and had the security guy page him. All he saw when he came down was me with the balloon's crying me eyes out. He got a little teary (i think) and all his co-workers came to congratulate us. It was an amazing christmas. Mike got the little sister he asked god for (he knew it was a girl from the beginning) and we had our second miracle.

This past Christmas, it was when I decided to really find my surrogate. I was hoping she would just "show up" on day or someone would just offer or something, but my hope was fading fast. I decided to put it in our christmas letter we were looking because that not only told our friends/family but I felt like it told the world. Sort of a "ask and you shall receive" type thing. I then decided to be brave and put an ad on a surrogacy website. I was scared. What if we got scammed? what if nobody responded? what if it didn't work? But I am not negative so I pushed those thoughts away and did it. I submitted the ad in late January and *met* Buffy on Feb. 5th! I feel like she came to me in part because I put out there what i wanted. I actually wrote down on a piece of paper what I wanted in a surrogate and put it on my bedroom mirror to look at daily. Buffy is everything and more. I feel like if I hadn't put it in my Christmas letter, if I was still keeping it in, I may not have had the courage to write the ad and never would have met Buffy.

This Christmas, all my dreams are coming true. When asked what I wanted for Christmas, the answer is nothing (well winning the lottery would be nice) but I have everything I need. A wonderful husband who is celebrating our 13 years being together on Christmas day, A handsome, awesome son who is everything I wanted my son to be and the kind of big brother I wish I had, A beautiful, amazing daughter who is just like me in all the good ways, The surrogate I had only dreamed about, and a New princess to love and cherish, only 11 weeks until we will be together.

We are all happy and healthy. I am truly, truly blessed.