30 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We here we are. 30 weeks. Only 9 weeks until Baby day. The way I feel it should be a national holiday! I have been feeling so many emotions lately. I am so excited, like christmas morning, my birthday, and winning the lottery all at once! I am also feeling a little meloncaly. It's all coming to an end.

Having dealt with IF since well 2001, it's like the end of an era. It's hard to describe. It feels elating to over come my demons. But at the same time, it will be really sad to not be expecting and sharing this pregnancy with Buffy.

I am looking forward to all the firsts. Our "1st" night before she is born, my "1st" delivery where I feel good, HER "1st" cry, the "1st" time I lay eyes on her, the "1st" time I hold her in my arms, the list goes one.

We took the kids on one last mini-vacation before Ava comes. The whole trip I thanked god for giving me these children. They are so much fun. They truly, truly complete my life. Ava will fit right in. Once we were expecting her, I felt complete. The closer it gets to her birth day, I feel like this is the family I was meant to have complete with Buffy.

I *think* I have everything ready for Ava. Baby gear is put together, clothes are washed and hung up. this week i am packing our bags. Emotionally it will be tied as the one of the happiest days of my life. It will also be incredibly healing. I think in terms of feeling like a "whole" woman, I will feel like the way I used to. That I CAN have a baby. I am not a freak show, who is infertile. I won't be pitied as the girl who lost her uterus at age 26. Instead I will be what I always wanted to be -- Mommy of 3.