Innocence lost

I think this pertains to not only women who struggle with IF, but loss mom's and mom's who have children born that aren't healthy.

You lose your innocence, about pregnancy, delivery, and having a baby. The "ideal" is that your husband and you magically decide one day to get pregnant, it's happens that day, you have an uneventful 9 months, and a drug free natural delivery to a healthy baby. That is how most people imagine it going when the reality it doesn't.

With my 1st, I was naive, I got pregnant easily and had the uneventful pregnancy. I "knew" things could happen, but not to me right? I was young and healthy, I would be fine. I remember in Lamaze class, I was the only one who wanted a drug free birth! and why not, I had a high pain tolerance, and I thought my body knew what to do. HA! I first lost some of that innocence when Mike was over due by a week and a half and I needed a c-section because my body DIDN'T know what to do (or didn't want to!) From there the struggle with IF, each month it chipped away at my innocence. Until where I am now. It's hard to lose. It was nice to be blissfully unaware.

There seems to be a lot of newly pregnant people around me. I try to stay away from the cutesie delivery stories (Oh I only pushed once!) and the worst delivery stories, mainly because I can generally top any "bad" story! Although, I can share about Ava's delivery because of the sheer amazement of it. I still tear up. there are very few people in this world that will see an angel deliver you a miracle. I still am in awe of Buffy and everything she went through for us.

Ava is now 3 1/2 months old and so, so wonderful. We went to 2 weddings this weekend and everyone loved her. She touches so many people. From her beautiful name - Ava Margaret - to her sweet cheeks - to her bubbly outgoing personality. And fingers crossed, her hair "might" be curly!!! the top is kind of long now and after her bath it curls. She is truly a baby that just radiates love and happiness. You can't help but know she's a miracle.

On a side note, a lady in the bathroom last night, while i was nursing Ava, told me she didn't think people did that anymore! WHAT? isn't that why women have boobs? if we don't use them, won't we evolve to look like men? lOl