Emotions...........

My feelings......

It's hard to describe how amazing this has all been. Waking up each day to my 3 beautiful children is such a gift. Having Ava has really changed how I feel about my pph/hysterectomy. I am still sad about it, but it's different now. If that wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't have Ava. She completes us. She was our missing link in our family. Mike and Bella adore her and she fits right in as the little sister. I encourage everyone who can't have children themselves to definately look into surrogacy. I think of Buffy daily. She and her family will be part of our family forever. I look at Ava each morning and thank Buffy for doing this.

After having complications with Bella's birth and then having my pph/hysterectomy ten days later, it was so healing to have an uncomplicated birth with Ava. The best part was watching her coming into this world. All the tears I cried, the pain I had, the inadequecy I felt because I could carry another baby, was gone. This was MY baby, I could do it. with the help of a great friend.

These days when I here someone on my PPH support group join and are so sad they won't be able to carry another baby, I sent them a private note, letting them know surrogacy is an option. I know not every surrogacy journey is as awesome as mine was, but it's such a rewarding experience in life.

So in short, I feel good, happy, whole, complete. My hysterectomy is more like a bump in the road, then what defines me. Now I just a mom of 3 and it's something I always wanted to be.